Bad Only Girl?

It has been my observation that the worst behaved children tend to be female only children or only-girl-in-the-family.

Now, before you throw a rod, let me say this is NOT a random bash of little girls or onlies.  Many many only girls are well-behaved (I know quite a few) and many larger families boys and girls are terrors.  I'm just relating my own observations which began early: I myself am a female only child.

I think the badly behaved girls stem from parenting by a mom who "always wanted a little girl" since they were little girls.  They want to dress her up like a doll and be her best, best friend.  The bad ones are heavily overindulged and raised as equals, not children.  They think very highly of themselves.  Like many onlies, they socialise more with adults and so are overly mature in dealing with grown-ups.

Daddy helps, too: Bad Only Girl is his little princess to be doted on and allowed to do just as she pleases and get away with almost everything.

This produces a child who is supremely self-centered and demanding of her own way (they call this "strong willed" now.  I still call it "needs me to go pick a switch".)

This child, if she's smart, might very well be a super successful businesswoman / politician / entrepreneur, after all she's used to demanding her own way and getting it. 

"Wait a second, Blue," you say, "that doesn't sound so bad!  I'd like my daughter to be a powerful woman on Wall Street or president of a University!"

I agree.  Me, too. But, Bad Only Girl, is obnoxious no matter where she ends up. She wants everything just so (to her taste), she is Bridezilla, and that pushy, type-A district superviser at your office.  She's that forum member or blogger who rips everyone to shreds (she'll call herself "outspoken" and "opinionated" and "honest".  The rest of us call her "that damned bitch, I hate her".)

Worst of all she is smugly unapologetic about it.

Every bully I have ever known was a female only or the only girl child.  All the overweight girls (and there were v. few back in the way-back time) that I can recall were onlies or only girl children in the family.  Of the dozens of moms I know IRL or on line, the small number who cosistantly report behaviour in their own children that sets my teeth on edge - things that are absolutely verboten in my house - ALL of them are raising only girls.*

"So, hang about, Blue," you say, "You said that you were an only girl. Are you describing yourself, here?"

Yep.  I am.

I had to, as an adult, UNlearn self-centerdness. I had to teach myself how to think about other people, be nice, have some consideration.  Fortunately, it's my belief that we should all be good to each other and that what goes around, comes around.  But it took not having any friends and realising that I didn't have the education or the looks to carry the attitude and that being a good person was infinately easier and more satisfying.

So, what's up with all the Bad Only Girls?  Am I being unfair and judging these kids harshly?  Or am I a Horrible Little Girl Magnet?

Let me share with you what happened at the thrift store yesterday:

It was Bitty and Bulk's turn to go with me and we were looking through the shoes when Mom and Daughter came in.  The child, a bit older than mine, perhaps 9, immediately began running down the length of the thrift store, back and forth. She rummaged through the toys, throwing several on the floor (which she left), and calling loudly to her mother ("Momma, Momma, look, look at this, Momma look at this rabbit, mom, MOM!") every few seconds (who never failed to acknowledge her self centered look-at-me drivel).

She came pelting into the shoe room just as Bitty was pointing out shoes to me, and walked right up to us.

Bitty: "These green ones are cute, Momma,"
Me: "Which ones, baby?"
Bad Only Girl (grabbing a random green shoe and shoving it right under my nose): "I think she means these!"
Bitty (frowning): "No. These."
Me (searching vainly for BOG's mother, or, maybe, a switch): "Oh, those are terribly frou-frou, not my style!"
BOG: (*guffaw* sprint from room)

In all the obnoxious little twit shoved me aside once, shove both Bulk and Bitty, and trod on my toe, not once, but twice (and she was overweight, so that wasn't pleasant). She snatched toys from my children, ran about, and kept up the constant mindless pay-attention-to-me chatter with her mother.

Bulk and Bitty were not too disturbed (well Bitty was slightly. Her Autism causes her to dislike loud, boisterous people or situations - too much stimulous - but she copes well). They are used, by now, to the fact that most children are NOT like them. Most children don't speak and walk quietly; they whine and throw fits, run indoors, shout, shove, and fail to say excuse me or please or thank you. 

So, since they weren't bugged, I wasn't too bugged, but it did get me thinking and recalling all of the very worst kids I've ever known and how many seemed to be Bad Only Girls.  I don't want my girls to be bitches.  You can be a strong woman with opinions - and voice them - and still be kind. Sorry, but it's true.  You can be polite and sweet and yet steadfast and honest.

I'm trying to teach my baby girls (and my boys, too, of course) that you can't always get what you want (sing it with me, go on). That they are NOT the center of the universe or more deserving or special than everyone else.  I think that's what happens with these girls, I think mom makes them the glittering jewel in the center of the family crown.

And why? Did these women always want a sister?  A best friend? So they end up making their own and letting her do whatever she wants?  Do they want a living baby doll they can dress, shape, mold, and play with?  Do they feel guilty because the girl is the only one and so feel they should indulge her every whim and be her playmate and best buddy?  Do moms of only boys not tend to do this because they don't do "boy things" (like play with cars)?

Chime in in the comments and let me know what you think!  Have you noticed this Bad Only Girl thing or am I just out of whack?  Were you and only or an only girl? What do you remember about the horrible girls you knew as a kid?

*disclaimer: I seem to know a disproportionately large number of ladies whose children consist of just one girl child, so the number who seem to be Bad Only Girls is teensy. Most seem to be doing a jam-up job of raising sensible young ladies.

PS:  And what's up with the Instant Mom-ing? Moms of horrible kids will see mine and suddenly feel compelled to try to correct theirs. This mom of the BOG in the thrift store said, ineffectually, a few times "Brit'Nee, say 'excuse me'" or "Brit'Nee help pick up" (when I had my 4 and 5 year olds tidy all the toys BOG had hurled onto the floor of the toy room).  The child ignored her entirely.


Honey, if you haven't been doing any parenting up till now, this ain't gonna work!