Go to sleep you little baby

Ugh.

Bad night. I didn't sleep well, had bad dreams.

Now I feel uneasy about driving today and about leaving my babies. I just have a bad feeling. Did I mention how much I loathe this time of year?

I'm hating this whole situation. I think sometimes that it's only vehemence that keeps me going.

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OK, today I'm getting a phone (of some sort) for Dad to have in his room, and as well as visiting him, I plan to have a shufti at this facility. I've already heard some little things about it that bug me.

It sucks that we had no choice in this move. If Dad wanted to be close to the hospital, we had to go with this place. I'm v. v. glad he got in - it's difficult to find a bed for a male patient anywhere - so that he won't be making long ambulance trips back and forth to his final sugeries, but I wish I could have at least looked about the place.

Perhaps I'm being too picky. I mean it's not a hospital after all. These places are not staffed entirely by professionals and only have to meet minimal state requirements. I'm probably expecting too much.

I'll feel better if he comes down here where I can be there every single day.

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I got my cards in the post for the staff at Baptist hospital. I wanted those guys to know how much I appreciate the good care they took of Dad. I wish I could have done more, but I hope that they at least enjoy the cards. I'll bet a lot of people just move on through and never think to say "thank you" to the staff.

I spoke with one of the nurses in the ICU a few days ago and she said: "Oh, I remember you. You were the one who was in here Thanksgiving night, singing to your father."

Singing?

I don't sing. I can't sing. What the heck? I have no memory of this.

The nurse was amused. Apparently, in the wee hours of the morning that Friday after the accident, I was standing by Dad's bed, quietly singing the lullabyes to him that I sing to my children when they're upset. I would never have believed the nurse except she said the words to the song back to me.

Was this a reaction to stress and lack of sleep? Or had I gone temporarily insane? ( ... am I still insane? Does it wear off?) That whole first two days has a surreal feel to it in my memory.

The last three weeks does, actually.