Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Why is that?

Have you ever noticed how some guys hold a baby facing outward? They hook their forearm under the baby's arms, then as they get tired, their other arm up under baby's legs?

I saw this several times at the sale Saturday and it makes no sense to me. It's clearly a guy thing, though. I see moms doing it very rarely. Is it anthropological? Is it because women have nice wide hips to rest a baby-crotch on and men have strong arms to ... uh, hang a baby over? Are we just more cuddly? More protective? Is it a breastfeeding thing? Are women instinctively drawing the infant to our breast?

Heck, I dunno. It just kinda strikes me as odd and I wondered what your theories were.

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While I'm asking questions, here's another: what is it about pet food that is so irresistible to babies? You make them good food and they act as if you're trying to poison them but they consider the dog's dish to be a lovely gift of treats from the gods put there for their snacking pleasure.

Take the other day. I was in the family room and suddenly I heard a loud and very excited voice from the hall:

"AH! Bleem Ma'dagh!"

Followed by a rattling noise then an ominous silence. Well, it was definitely the Incredible Bulk: nobody else speaks Klingon. By the time I got up and investigated, though, I found an innocently happy baby crawling toward me. Everything in the hall looked five by.

It was only when I went to change his nappie a minute later that I discovered something amiss. I was crouched down, one hand up on the Bulk (who was on the changing table), and the other rummaging through my sadly unfolded Heap O' Nappies when I heard a gravelly series of crunches.

I froze. Was that someone chewing? On something unsafely hard?

*Crunch*

Sweet Mother of Stan Lee, perhaps it's the Purple Lady from my obgyn's waiting room.

*Crunch*crack*crunch*

I looked wildly up at Bitty Girl who was in the doorway. "Bitty? What have you got in your mouth?" She obediently opened wide to show a empty pink maw.

Then from above my head: "Am ba-ba-BAH! *crunch* GLUR! Gah!"

I shot upright and grabbed the startled Bulk's face with both hands, prising at his mouth. Well, that only made him angry, and folks, you wouldn't like him when he's angry.

He clamped his jaw shut like an English bulldog and seized both of my wrists in his hands. We struggled briefly while the other three sibs watched , slightly open-mouthed, from the doorway. Seriously, if there had been popcorn for sale at this event ...

Anyway, I quickly realized that the round little(!) baby of a few months ago was now a 25 pound, buff and chiseled, almost-toddler, who had been building his muscles for weeks by crawling determinedly around my house and up every set of steps we had. He was a baby athlete at the top of his game and there was no way I was getting his mouth open!

I had no recourse but to cheat.

I snatched him up, flipped him over my arm (much in the way some guys carry babies) which squished the wind out of him and patted him firmly between the shoulder blades as I would have done had he been choking. It worked perfectly. It made him cough and he finally, reluctantly, drooled out about a dozen partially masticated bits of spit-slimed cat food.

Ew.

I wonder where he got that supreme scavenging ability? Hmmmmmm.


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posted by MrsEvilGenius @ 9:21 am   4 comments

4 Comments:

At 12:57 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bulk is so cute! I don't understand kids and petfood either-my oldest ds prefered 'kittie krispies' to his banana biter biscuits.
It smells like, well... catfood and seems to be hard as gravel. Just calls out-snack time!

 
At 3:37 pm, Anonymous Nicole said...

I was raised with animals and my parents tell me I always had huge cheeks because I had a piece of dog food tucked in at least one side; sometimes both sides; for a snack later in the day. The doctor told them it was a lot healthier than many of the things marketed to kids so not to worry about it. It also taught both me and our dog to share, I guess!

 
At 6:42 am, Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

Ahahahah! Glad to know that my babes aren't the only ones.

Fortunately I now have the most laid back pets. Dunno if it's just luck or whether having the herd of kids around made them better tempered.

-Blue

 
At 3:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found your blog from Tertia's...my husband holds our baby the same way and it bugs me...now I know I'm not alone! Just had to share.

 

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