They're like little ... PEOPLE!

How is it that my oldest child is not yet four but I feel like everybody's growing up way too fast? Why do I look at my daughter and think: "Soon she'll be in college and I'll miss all this stuff that drives me insane."

And then I burst into tears.

But, seriously, I know why I'm feeling this way (aside from being old as dirt and already sad that the next baby, unconcieved, will be my last). It's things like this:

It was naptime and I peeked into the two oldest's room where they were leaping about and playing as they do before they actually sleep. Boy, who was sitting on the edge of his bed and facing me saw me but The Human Crash Test Dummy had her back to me. Boy and I regarded one another for a second, THCTD between us trying to put her shirt back on (she gets naked randomly throughout the day then redresses, often with everything inside out and/ or back to front). Finally Boy said: "What?" - talking to me.

THCTD, who thought he was talking to her, said in a clear piping voice: "Nothing, Brother, I'm just thinking."

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And now for today's rant! (and there was much rejoicing)

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Why the HECK is it that everything for children nowadays must make noise?

The toys make noise (I'm hearing Denis Leary in my head, here), the stuffed animals make noise, the playsets make noise, action figures make noise, exersaucers, swings, crib toys, teething rings ... AAAAgghhhhHHhh!

Who decided that this was a good idea? When did it become acceptable to make a plastic barn with plastic farm animals and buttons to mimic the sounds of the animals so the kid doesn't have to?

When folks learn that I don't buy electronic toys for my kids they - after a boggled silence - always say: "Wow, it must be quiet at your house!"

Nope. It's not. My house is filled with the sounds of children making their own sound effects.

When a button is pressed on a toy in my house it may beep one time and bark the next. Our Buzz Lightyear dolls don't know just a few pat phrases, they can say the entire dialogue from the film. My children, ages 3 1/2, 2 1/2 and 18 months spend their days in elabourate roleplaying that stuns me. My kids aren't geniuses, they've just been encouraged to use their imaginations.

Mine have never owned ONE 'educational' toy. What exactly does three electronic buttons on an Exersaucer teach one's child? How to press a button over and over? Even the most formidible ones, bristling with toys, just get boring after awhile. Have you seen the latest ones?. They're just ridiculous, geared toward eager credit-card-clutching parents, not educating the child. You can't even see the baby in there amid the bewildering array of crap.

My exersaucers are all thrift store finds (surprise, surprise, right?) and are the old fashioned plain ones. Just a tray. Nary a toy in sight. With them I get to put various toys up and keep stimulating baby with new stuff. I also am required to actually interact with my child. I have to go pick up all those toys that are gleefully thrown down by a happy baby discovering how cause and effect work in his world.

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I can't let a good Monty Python quote go uncommented-upon, so here's a tie in: a belated trick-or-treating pic from this year. Evil Genius Husband went as Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-Blog, and that's The Human Crash Test Dummy as a spider (she didn't fall and hurt herself once that night!), and Boy as a firefighter.