Stop the ride, I wanna get off

V. bad day yesterday.

Dad is almost healed physically. There's tons more physical therapy and strengthening left to do - months more - but the big things are healing nicely. That's wonderful and just short of miraculous if you consider where he was just a month ago.

Now his brain has to get better.

He's completely off the meds, just taking Tylenol when he needs it and his mind is shaking off the last few effects of all those narcotics. So now he's clear to think and he has allllllllll day and night to do it.

Mr B. put it beautifully in an email to me: Dad's emotions are raw.

Yes.

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Dad and I talked a good deal while I was there and got some stuff out. Some of it was therapeutic and some of it was just unpleasant, like standing next to a house fire where there's nothing you can do but watch it burn. We cried a bit, had an animated discussion in which our opinions differed sharply on a few things, and we cried some more.

We talked about what he wanted to do after he was mobile and no longer needed physical assistance. He talked about going back to his house.

Frankly this disturbs me deeply. I do NOT want him up there in that place all alone. Not while he's physically weak or psychologically weak.

But I can't make him do anything. He can do whatever he pleases (and say whatever he pleases, and feel whatever he pleases) and I'll go with it. I might not bloody well be quiet about it, but I'll go with it.

All we can do to help right now is listen and provide feedback. We can be sounding boards. And don't be afraid to tell him what you think. Don't be banal. Don't just try to please him or agree with him if you don't agree. He needs to talk out a LOT of stuff. Let him talk. Talk back.

We are his friends and family and colleagues. He trusts us and depends on us to not only listen, but to respond frankly.

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And now, frankly, I must go. I'm tired. All of the babies are sick now. Evil Genius Husband, who has spent his holiday watching me walk out the door and talk on the phone, has to return to work tomorrow. I have a week-full of doctor's appointments and I need to clean my house. Heck, I haven't put up my comic strips in 2 weeks.

Ugh. A lot to do.