Sunday, April 23, 2006

Introspection

I have decided to do something called Self Portrait Tuesday.

I discovered a blogger who participates and another blogger that I read does something similar (she calls it self disclosure Tuesday) and I plan to do a combo of the two: a pic and a list of things; stuff about me, whatever.

Don't get all excited that I'm gonna post a picture of my whole self. I don't allow photos of myself but I figured that I could start small: perhaps a pic of my really disgustingly ugly little toe or something. Hey, you've already seen two of my fingers, smashed.

I'm really interested in the list. Stuff I love, stuff I hate, things that scare me, things I should be doing, things I shouldn't worry about doing. We'll see how it all goes.

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My follow-up mammogram at the breast centre is the second week in May. I hadn't really thought much about it (other than; "Jeez, what a pain in my arse") since everyone at my OB's office was so low-key about it. But I got the official paperwork that I need to take over there in the post Friday and when I opened it and read the words: "abnormal mammogram" it kinda chilled me.

I don't know why I felt the need to say that.

I guess 'cause I'm the one who always 'maintains an even strain' and I'm feeling a tad out of control and vulnerable. I'm the one who's calm in an emergency and takes care of everything (or attempts to!). I'm the one who doesn't get to scream or cry or throw things (much as I long to, sometimes). If I lose it, who's going to deal with everything?

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posted by MrsEvilGenius @ 10:37 am   2 comments

2 Comments:

At 1:39 pm, Anonymous Sara James of richmond said...

Well, I know you wanted to be pregnant by now but thnak god you are not. Maybe your not being pregnant was a sign. I was pregnant while on chemo for breast cancer and it was tourture. My daughter ended up with all kinds of problems and my cancer is back. Sometimes you have to think of the child and not what you want. You are a beautiful person but do not get pregnant till you know. You will regret it

 
At 3:07 pm, Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

I agree 100% sara. Of course I'd put my TTC plans on hold if I found out I had cancer. (Actually I'd trash 'em at that point)

Unfortunately the whole mammogram thing happened mid-cycle so there's a small chance that I may be preggers (thought I doubt it seeing my recent track record).

It's a 'wait and see' kind of thing and I spend too many minutes of my day worrying as it is.

-Blue

 

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