Monday, September 25, 2006

Carry the motion

So, why is it that a man will go into a store, with the intention of shopping (manspeak translation: 'picking up a few things'), and will walk right past the shopping carts knowing that he will purchase more items than he can carry?

Is this a genetic anomaly carried on the Y chromosome? Or what?

How can a man who is an architect or an engineer, for example, not have the foresight to realize that a pack of ham, a bag of crisps, a six-pack of Bud, some white undershirts, a Nickelback CD, that deodorant they saw on an advert during SportsCenter, and the loaf of bread that his significant other asked him to pick up (and the only thing he actually came in the store to get) cannot be held in his two manly arms?!

I was in the WalMart (not, you Blue ... NO!) and saw not one, not two, but FIVE penis bearing persons walking around loaded down with groceries and miscellaneous and apparently unaware of how daft they look.

One handsome young man -- a tall, leggy, smooth-muscled specimen with cafe-au-lait skin and carefully done microbraids that hung down his back -- was bearing two gallons of milk, one in each hand, and a bag of Sunbeam Sweet Sixteen doughnuts clenched in his perfect teeth and was attempting to figure out how to acquire a large tin of coffee.

He looked irrisistably like that nature show I saw years ago of the young monkey who was attempting to carry a load of large fruits. He'd try to pick the last one up but end up dropping another when he bent down. Then, refusing to leave any fruit, he'd bend to pick up the lost one and end up dropping another. Over and over, too greedy, or proud, or stubborn (my vote) to just leave that last fruit.

I couldn't help the pretty young man, either (aside form refraining laughing at him). I could pick up the coffee and hand it to him, but what could he have done? Grip it with his arsecheeks? (Yes, I confess I'd rather like to have seen that.) I'd've offered to put it in my cart and take it to the checkout, but, 1) I had more shopping, and 2) it would have exploded his 'logical' male brain.

Is this related to the whole men-carrying-babies-strangely thing? Makes me wonder if we, as a species, didn't spend a few hundred thousand years with the males loping along on all fours whilst us females strode about upright honing our carrying skills with babies, fruits, berries, his mastodon-skin underpants ...

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So that's all I've got today. My OB appt was uneventful, we couldn't get Fiver on the doppler so we did a super quick ultrasound with the portable machine. Sweet Dr. Tall Dark & Handsome kept trying to find the flicker of the heartbeat for me to reassure me. In the meantime, Fiver was literally thrashing about like a mad thing, clearly pretty effed off at being mashed by the transducer. Yeah, she was fine.

T minus 10 days till the Amnio. Trying not to think about it.

I have to obnoxiously mention Evil Genius Woman again. Please drop by if you get a second as I've done a bunch of work on it -- added new products, redone the Cancer Awareness bit.. Thank you for being so patient with me while I'm blogging so sporadically and continuously pimping the shop. I wanted you to know that I certainly don't expect, you, my regular readers to just obediently go buy something. I just want you to take a look and see if you note anything amiss. It makes me feel loads better knowing you all have been over and had a shufti. Perhaps keep me from doing anything monumentally stupid like, oh, misspelling shirt (buy a T-sh*t, anyone?).

*SIGH!*

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PS: some small creature -- probably a mouse -- has bought it in or around my computer desk. Yes, I have a dead rodent decomposing close by. It's driving me mad. I can't find it (kind of don't want to look, honestly), but the smell. The smell! It is almost impossible to get any designing/artwork done with that horrible stench in my nose.

And I think about it all day. How did it die? Why did it die? Why did it pick by my computer table to die under? Why didn't the cats eat it? Did it get electrocuted in the mass of wires behind the desk? Did it run in the computer and get chopped up in the cooling fan? (Eww!) Are there more?

AAAGGH!

Sorry I shared this, but I just had to tell someone. OK, go on with your day.

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posted by MrsEvilGenius @ 9:19 am   4 comments

4 Comments:

At 5:28 pm, Blogger Mrs.Chili said...

Hee, hee! Husband and I often point and laugh at men who are out walking with their babies in strollers, trying desperately to manage the thing one-handed so as to look cool and not like one is pushing a stroller. "REAL men," my husband likes to say, "are NOT afraid of pushing strollers. Or wearing Snuglis." Amen, Baby.

Well, if Fiver was thrashing about, pissed off at being proded with the ultrasound wand, I'm betting her heart's just fine, thank you very much. Keep us posted on the amnio. And don't worry - worry creates all kinds of bad stuff that you don't need.

I'm off to check out the store. Did you tell me you could make posters and magnets? I might have to start a private conversation with you about that sometime soon...

Cheers!

-Chili

 
At 7:02 pm, Blogger Mrs.Chili said...

Hey, Blue!

I just tried sending out an email to you and it got kicked back to me as undeliverable. Can you fire an email to me, please, so I can get in touch with you?

 
At 10:17 am, Blogger macboudica said...

Now, watching the guy try to cary the coffee in his arsecheeks, that would have been something!

You want my ote as to why guys do these strange things? It is laziness. My step son goes out of his way, often causing himself hilariously more work, to avoid doing extra work in the first place. I don't get it.

 
At 12:00 pm, Anonymous VegaVixen said...

My experience is that guys don't tend to write out shopping lists (this would imply wasting time "thinking" about shopping, vs just "doing" it). They create the list on the fly, and have no real idea what they will have in their hands by the time they reach the checkout counter. All they know when they walk into that store is that they need that bag of Doritos. And if anything else strikes them along the way, they pick it up.

Also, I suspect that men, more frequently than women, tend to be impulse shoppers, picking up what appeals to them in the moment. I think that washes over to the male approach to meeting women, too. ;-)

 

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