Random vent #48
Apologies in advance for inflicting this on you. I just need to say this to someone.
(Note: the word 'you' in the following does not mean you the readers. It's a universal 'you'.)
The Vent:
Dear people of the world, let me make this clear to you. You do not have the right, in any circumstance, to ask me or my husband the question: "So, is this the last one?" in tones of exasperation. Even if you are family.
Have I ever asked you to pay my bills? NO.
Have I ever asked you to take care of my children? NO.
Have I ever come to live in your home? NO.
Am I living off of taxpayers money? NO.
Are my children in any way uncared-for or unhappy? NO.
Until any of these is true you are not allowed to ask me this question.
My husband and I work very hard to care for our family. We have carefully planned our family size. My husband is a good and capable man with a great career. I run our farm and own an online business.
But, guess what? NONE of this is ANY of your business.
YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO ASK ME THIS QUESTION.
9 Comments:
Amen, sister!!
Don't you just love it? That is like me with all of the "trying for a boy-huh?" questions I get everyday! I have always said that I have gotten more obnoxious questions and "advice" when I am pregnant than ever before. The best part is that I can blame raging hormones on my equally obnoxious answers back! teeheehee
Well let me just say as someone this has happened to before......perhaps the particular family members are worried/concerned about the very things you mentioned. Perhaps they are afraid hubby will lose his job (most folks have been-there-done-that, sadly) and are wondering how you will pay bills or pay the mortgage. If an illness strikes your or hubby, they are thinking, who will care for the children? If you and your hubby leave the planet at the same time, again, they are concerned for the children. Five children would be a lot to take in at one time for anyone. Perhaps they are concerned you haven't made the "proper" arrangements for any kind of disaster (loss of job, loss of house either by non-payment or mother nature). In your eyes all is well. But from their eyes, things might not look so steady. Perhaps some reassurance for you would ease their minds (even if it's none of their business right now, but if your life gets turned upside down, i.e. your father is a great example...)then the family will need to step in (as you did) to help put things upright again.
Strangers have no right to ask these questions. But family needs to know you are secure and have a plan. Perhaps they are afraid all your responsibilities will fall to them....
Just a thought.
That stinks! I have similar problems with unwanted, un-asked for family interference in my affairs. I get the same shocked gasps about the number of kids we have and I am sick of having to feel like I should be answering to anyone about it.
Ok, I have never been one to comment on a comment on someone else's blog BUT... I do not agree with you anonymous- NO ONE but you and your spouse needs to know if and how secure you are. Not strangers. Not family. In my opinion, especially the family members asking such personal questions usually don't have your best interest in mind, they are just nosy. Thanks Blue! Send me a bill for using all of your space :)
Give em hell Blue!! People need to learn some manners and mind their own damn business.
I'm going out on the proverbial limb here, but I DO agree with anonymous, though I DON'T agree with HOW the family is going about finding this information out - nor do I think that anyone BUT family or dear, DEAR friends has the right to ask about such things. "Is this your LAST one?!" is NOT an appropriate way to approach the subject of contingency plans.
Blue, you are ABSOLUTELY right. No one has ANY right to interfere with your family. HOWEVER (and this is a kindly-meant "however") there ARE people who should know at least the basics of whatever arrangements you have made for the possibility of catastrophe. My husband and I went to an attorney not too long ago to arrange for the girls should we "co-decease" (isn't that CRAZY!? There's a legal term for parents shuffling off this mortal coil at the same time!). The arrangements were made mostly so I could die certain that my children would NOT, under ANY circumstances, end up with my biological family, but the point remains that it's an important and necessary thing to do, whether you have one child or seventeen.
My un-asked-for advice? Make those arrangements at the VERY least, not for anyone else's sake but your own and your kids' (in the unlikely event of your and EGH's co-deceasing, you don't want the kids to end up in any kind of foster care, possibily separated, while the courts figure out the best place for them). Then, when people start asking questions, you can assure them - as calmly and with as little venom in your voice as possible - that "arrangements are made for the possibility of disaster" and you can leave it at that.
Make sense?
YIKES, Janie! Get to your local community college and sign up for a writing course this instant! No one will take you seriously, Honey, if you can't construct a complete sentence. Trust me. I'm an English teacher. I know these things.
Can we ask if this is the last one if we're afraid of your brood of brain-eating babies, and need to prepare the stores in our respective fallout shelters when you decide to unleash the horde onto the unsuspecting world and annoint yourself queen?
'Cause really, that's more of a question for ME.
Janie Hampton probably has a big backside. The largely-posterior'd rarely have a developed social sense.
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