More Monday thoughts ... waiting
I have been trying to tie up some details of Dad's to help out and stay on top of things. I had a long list, from 'find out lady's name who takes care of the animals' to 'contact insurance people' (please note that these are listed in order of importance. I freakin' hate dealing with insurance types).
I immediately ran into the problem of not being allowed to do much. The phone company, for example, refused to clear the password on the voicemail at the house. I wanted to change the message so that anyone who rang would be directed to actual humans and could find out what's going on. These are normal security/privacy measures, but they also present a potential problem.
Dad has had massive trauma to his lungs. Even though he's minimally responsive, he's under heavy sedation so that he can heal and will be for awhile. It may be 2 weeks or more before he's coherent enough for him to be told about Kimberly, much less able to make decisions. Or it may be the end of the week (hope, hope, hope!).
What I really want is for Dad to suddenly sit up, spit out his breathing tubes, and roar: "What the HELL is going on?!". Then I won't have to worry about this fiddly stuff. But I have to accept the fact that that might not happen anytime soon.
So what do I do? Wait, like someone suggested? Wait for dad to recover? How long? Two weeks , a month, three months, what? What if he has bills due right now? Do I risk damaging his credit because I was ... waiting?
I'm also worrying about money for him. His medical bills are going to be astronomical. I could be saving money for him right now - remember I'm the ThriftyChik - by stopping the cable that no one is watching, disconnecting cell phones no one's using, changing all the car insurance to minimal, etc, etc. Nothing drastic or permanent, just little things to save money.
Not to mention that it makes me twitch to think of him being billed for things that he's not using.
But how much is too much? I certainly won't do anything he'd not want. I'm not gonna sell his airplane or anything: ("Look dad, I got 200 bucks for that plane you had in bits! Cool, huh?") I also don't want to step on anyone's toes, offend anyone, or do the wrong thing. That everyone involved in this has his/her own opinions on how things should be handled has been brought into sharp focus for me. I don't need any more disapproval.
But my first obligation is Daddy and doing what will be the best for him.
So is there some universal time limit? What's de riguere in these situations? Should I let myself be influenced by what other people might think? Or should I shut up and quit whining?
OK, don't answer that last one.
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Alright, I'm on the road here as soon as I get the babies fed and my mom shows up. Daddy ran a fever night before last and last night which worries me. They also had to give him another unit of blood today after his surgery. I will nail down that orthopoedist today and have him explain what was done. He and I have been playing phone tag.
It's dismal, cold, and rainy ... perfect traveling weather, eh? I'll try to update tonight.
3 Comments:
Turn off everything you can, that can be reactivated easily.
Cable, internet, cell phones...etc.
Winterize the house as though no one will be there for months...it may be true.
If you have siblings, discuss this with them and each of you take a direction. If you're an only child, just do it.
You are the parent right now, not your dad. Take charge like he would over you if the roles were reversed and your spouse had died and you were left in critical condition.
Then remember to coach yourself to be able to totally let go of the control when the time comes. No one ever resents what you've done, they resent it if it can't be undone, or you won't relinquish control when they're ready to have it back.
Whatever you do, do it in love, with prayer and supplication. Listen to that little voice in your head, it's the holy spirit leading and guiding you.
You'll be fine.
Sounds like you're doing great, I know you think your spazzed...but you sound like you're on top of things.
So sorry for your losses and stresses right now. After a few similar expereinces in my family, we now are big fans of having durable power of attorney forms just in case. Check out Nolo.com for some basic info (in their Wills and Estate Planning section). "Durable powers of attorney for finances -- a simple way to arrange for someone to handle your finances if you can't." Unfortunately, your dad didn't have this in place before he was incapacitated (did he?). If not, you will have to get a lawyer to petition to set this up, but seems like a good plan. Even if he is coherent in a week or two, that doesn't mean he will be of sound enough mind to, say, pay his mortgage. Pain meds can wreak havoc with your judgement.
Be as kind to yourself as you can - this is the time to splurge on chocolate, eggnog, whatever you might normally forego.
Best wishes.
Ask the hospital staff about a social worker who is on staff to help you with organizing everything. They are used to dealing with these situations, and usually can give you the information you need without having to search for it on your own. If I remember correctly from your posts, you are an only child, and with his spouse now deceased, you are the next of kin.
Sorry to hear about your Dad. I do not know you personally, but am on the Feb '02 Babycenter Board and have read many posts about your family. Keep thinking positive!
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