Monday, January 15, 2007

Good mother / bad mother

The mommy wars end here.

You know I'm a huge proponent of the 'Your baby, Your rules' way of thinking.

I'm happy to bitch about parenting methods that result in child behaviour that directly affects me: out-of-control kids; sick-at-family-gatherings kids; rude, self-centered kids; etc; but I always maintain that it's a mother's business how she raises her children.

I don't approve of co-sleeping for my family(for random example), but I don't care if you co-sleep with your kids until they're in middle school. I will never, ever, tell you not to do it (unless you ask me what I'd do if it was me).

I do, however, reserve the right to roll my eyes and mutter if you whinge on about sleepless nights due to a toddler kicking you, or that your DH sleeps on the couch, or (fill-in-the-blank-due-to-co-sleeping).

Make sense?

Well, there are too many folks (and they throng to bulletin boards - my Babycenter boards are full of 'em) who take every sensitive subject as a personal affront to their parenting style. If you circumcise, then you must be a selfish, thoughtless, automoton subjecting your son to pain for no reason.

And they're happy to derail a thread to preach this message.

What promts these women to do this? Why the heck do they care?

I have a theory. They are so uncertain about their own choices and feel so guilty that they must attack those who are different; who parent differently. Like most dogs who bite, they do so out of fear. Fear that they, themselves, are not making the right parenting choice.

So they lash out at the rest of us. ("Burn! Burn the witch!")*

Well, it's time to end all this.

I am reasonably confident in my parenting ability. I'm not ashamed of my thrifty ways; that I wash Zip-lok bags, that almost all of my kids clothes come from the thrift store. I'm not embarrassed by my strictness; that I demand my kids behave, that I will correct a child in public. And no one else should be so affected by her mothering, either.

Because most of us are doing just fine. (CAUTION: parts of this are very disturbing to read.)

I think every mother should read this blog post (the one above, not mine, here, lol) and the whole madness of the Mommy Wars should just stop.

Rock on, mommies.


*Yes, I inserted a Monty Python quote into such a serious post. What? No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!


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posted by MrsEvilGenius @ 9:12 am   5 comments


At 10:57 am, Blogger Zach & Brie's Mom said...

Once I was such a bad mother I turned my baby into a newt.

She got better.

(Totally carrying on the Monty Python theme for those who think I might actually try to turn my baby into a newt. Duh- I'd much rather have a salamander.)

At 5:45 pm, Blogger Penny Karma said...

Your blog makes me feel better. I'm glad you write it.

At 8:27 pm, Anonymous mrschili said...

First of all, I totally LOVE that you quote Monty Python with such abandon. BURN HER ANYWAY!!!

The post you linked is - well - I'm lacking adequate adjectives. It spoke to me, though, because I survived a truly bad mother. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical - I remember WISHING that my parents would hit me, because then I'd have marks to show to others to prove that I needed to be removed from her "care." I was saved by a family that adopted me in my teens, and learned (not too late, thank God/dess) what family is supposed to mean.

I can't regret my experiences, though, because I learned from them what NOT to be. I enjoy a very healthy family life, and have relationships with my girls that are founded on trust and respect and love. My only regret is that my own mother never learned how to see those things.

You're right. Most of us react out of fear without ever stopping to really think out why we do or say or feel the things we do. Being meta is tough work, and most of us aren't up for the task. It's important, though, that we start supporting each other, and stop playing for alpha status.

Thanks for this.

At 10:48 am, Anonymous VegaVixen said...

Excellent post. There's simply nothing else to say.

At 11:47 am, Anonymous sherry said...

That post was...perfect. It's all so true. SO true.


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