And speaking of parenting choices ...

First there was Grrl over at Chez Miscarriage, with this post on the subject of ‘drive by mothering’, the phenomenon whereby we women sometimes feel compelled to give unwanted advice/observations to mothers, (mothers to be, mothers-in-waiting). The over 300 comments get quite interesting.

Here’s the culmination.

So then we get this from akeeyu at HerVeryOwn, which leads to this from Julie at A Little Pregnant.

Suddenly, what was – for me – simply an in-depth look at how folks treat each other became more personal. She was ranting about a telly show which detailed the life of a family with 15 children.

Ohhh …. Stab me in the heart. I’m working on a large family (though mine will be tiny by comparison: 5 or 6) and I’ve heard ever dumb-fuck comment and bit of assvice that there is. So was Julie doing a drive-by? Should I rage with indignation (like several of the commenters did?)

No way.

Here’s the thing. I agree with Akeeyu, Julie can blog about whatever the fuck she wants. It’s her blog. The whole point of the original topic was this: every single one of us has looked at another person and disagreed with what they were doing. Whether the person in question was doing something stupid, whether we just disagreed with them, or even that we were having a bloody bad day. WE HAVE ALL DONE IT.

It’s the ones who feel compelled to share with the person in question her comments or assvice on the situation who are guilty of Drive By Mothering.

Hellooooo! If I think it but don’t say it, it’s not a drive by. If I discuss it whith a friend, it’s not a drive by . If I fucking blog about it it’s just a BLOG POST! Everyone has a right to do whatever he/she wants (barring it being illegal or causeing harm) and I have a right to disapprove. But I don’t have the right to get up in her face with my disapproval.

We, as mothers, make the best choices we can. So much of what people see has hidden factors (the LactoNazi attacking a mum who's giving her baby a bottle ... of what is expressed breast milk). Not only should a person not have to suffer unwanted assvice and opinions or second guess her parenting style but she shouldn’t have to mull over whether or not to post her own feelings on her own blog!

I’m a breastfeeder who suppliments formula and weans at 1 year, my sons are circumsised, I cloth diaper and make my own babyfood. I don’t co-sleep or homeschool or AP. I don’t approve of piercing baby’s ears or pacifiers or television. I dispise people who raise their girls in sexually stereotypical constraints or force religion (two things which I suspect disturbed Julie about the family with 15 kids. It certainly did me. That and the hair...)

All these and many more are my feelings and mine alone. As long as I don’t try to force them on anyone I am cool.

If you go, voluntarily, somewhere public (like a board or a blog) and read something you don’t like or agree with then just leave. Or leave a polite, ‘I disagree’ comment. Sign your name. We’re all allowed to disagree.

But this ‘I’m right and you’re wrong and sick and twisted and shouldn’t be allowed to have kids’ shit is pathetic. Get a hobby. Get a life. Or as Grrl said: get over yourself.