Differences in parenting styles

I had an episode yesterday with my FILs wife (remember her?) where we clashed, rather pointedly, on a parenting issue (I’ll blog on it later). It got me to thinking about parenting choices and since Bitty Girl and I are working through a milestone, I thought I’d share.

Disclaimer:

This isn’t an attack. I’m simply relating what I do and why. It may clash sharply with your style, but that’s fine. I’m talking about me and my parenting fuck ups … erm ... choices. Example: One of the ladies who’s blog I read daily and whom I really admire is a *gasp!* co-sleeper (villagers, get out the pitchfork and torches!). I am not. But I think that we make the best choices for us, for our families, and it’s all cool. I like to hear about different views, it's how I learn and hone my own parenting skills.

Anyway, I return you to your blog, already in progress:

Oh, what a great gnashing of teeth and wailing there is here right now. Bitty Girl is being weaned off her bottle, and as is usual in these circumstances THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END!

Ok, I’m exaggerating quite a bit, lol. She’s long since been eating well, she eats what her siblings eat – only cut smaller – and she drinks milk and a tiny bit of diluted juice just fine. The juice is always a huge hit. I’m not fond of it though – did you know that juice is processed by the body as pure sugar? Even 100% juice. So except for some vitamin C the child gets absolutely nothing (except a rush and some calories). This is why I dilute it 1/3 to 2/3 with water. I always wince when I see a kid with a bottle full of juice.

Back to Bitty Girl. Never mind that she’s getting enough nutrition, she still loves the comfort of that bottle. I know it’s just comfort that she derives because my weaning method is to dilute the bottles till they’re down to basically water over the course of a few weeks.

I don’t offer a pacifier and I wean mine at 1 year (or so). I don’t believe for a second that a baby (even a newborn) HAS to suckle. I think that they DO derive comfort from it but I think that you can provide comfort in a half a dozen other ways (snuggling, swaddling, rocking, etc). I go the snuggle route with my weanlings. Bitty Girl has been bottle-less for 2 days now and we have just spent a lot of time cuddling.

I’m always very sympathetic to the breastfeeding mom who says her baby “uses her like a pacifier” but I always have to wonder: why do you let him? I never have. If my bab is crying and I know she’s not hungry then I don’t put her on the breast. We try something else. She’s NOT hungry, she just needs to be soothed.

I feel this way about late weaning and pacifiers. I have no problem if a mom uses any of these – you parent your child like you want. Cool with me. But for ME, I don’t. I know it’s much more convenient to let a child have a paci or a bottle – no hassle, no crying child to deal with – but I’d rather eleminate these things entirely than string it out and string it out to a huge horrible show down later.

I have seen many dozens of plaintive posts on my baby boards that ask: “How do I get this paci away from my 4 year old?” or “My 3 year old still has to have a bottle before bed”.

I never know what to say because “well, you should have …” is sucky advice and doesn’t do any good anyway.

I have no doubt that I will slap my forehead many times in future and say: “why the HELL did I start this?” but, hopefully, it won’t be over a feeding issue. Or a sleep issue. Or a discipline issue. Or … crap … theres no chance I’ll get by with no ‘issues’ is there? I guess I’ll do what everyone else does: the best I can do, and hope I made good choices.