Saturday musings

Newton's first law of motion states (basically) that an object in motion tends to stay in motion unless outside forces act upon it.

So if the earth was as smooth as a billiard table and you rolled a cue ball away from yourself, it wants to keep rolling. But it has many outside forces acting on it: earth's gravity, friction against the surface upon which it rolls, even resistance as it pushes through the atmosphere. Because of all these things it will lose it's momentum and stop.

I'm losing my momentum.

I had so hoped that Dad would be appreciably better by now. I comprehend that he has a long way to go and I'm fully aware that he has months of healing to do, but I was hoping that something would have changed. Yes, I understand that every day that he hangs in there is progress, but that doesn't make it easier.

I've traveled up there every other day since the accident, gone to the other hospital (the one he was first sent to: Rowan Medical Centre), gone by the house twice, and of course spoken with innumerable official types on the 'phone. I ring the ICU exactly four times a day. My phone rings all day long.

Yet I feel like I'm doing nothing for him. And I feel tired and washed out and feel like my Mum is doing a better job at looking after my children than I am (and that really makes me feel like crap). I think I should be doing more or doing a better job but I can't think of what to change. Actually, I'm having trouble thinking at all. Bleh. I feel like a mental patient: sort of gently confused.

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I got a scare this morning. When I called for my before-lunch update Dad's blood gas was bad. The respirator was operating fine but he wasn't oxygenating his blood properly. They had just rung the doctor when I called.

Fortunately they got that quickly squared away - I know they had him on a bag, and were hand-pumping the air in to try to saturate the lungs. Whatever was the problem got resolved but it frightens me that this should happen now, over a week after the accident.

Update: I rang again tonight and the nurse said that he was stable. Nothing new to report.

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I wanted to share with you my ... interesting experience with trying to get the guardianship:

Note: my goal is to pay my fathers bills. I am currently unable to even talk to any of his creditors (several almost hung up on me, refusing to even speak with me and let me explain the situation). I do NOT want my Dad to wake up to find that his credit has been ruined and his house is in forclosure.

So I trekked into downtown Winston-Salem, was confused as to where to go (thus the 'erratic driving' that I got stopped for - I was trying to drive and read the signs on the buildings). The twinkie who gave me directions, frankly sucked at it.

Anyway, I finally found the right place, had to virtually disrobe to get through security (hindered by a security guard who declared that my piercings would "light the thing up like a christmas tree" - uhhh, no, you moron, they're all surgical steel. Non-magnetic. Hello!) and learned this:

In order to get a guardianship of my fathers estate I must be declared guardian of his person. The latter will enable me to make decisions as to his medical care. Well, duh, I am already making all of his medical decisions as his next of kin. I don't need this bit of paperwork to do that.

Except that I must get it to be declared guardian of his estate and pay his bills.

Here's the catch: for me to be made guardian of his person he must be declared incompetent. (makes me writhe because my Dad is NOT incompetent. There's nothing wrong with his mind, he's just under heavy sedation right now.) So after I've filed the papers, paid the fee ($65), and appeared in court, a lawyer (NOT a doctor) goes to assess his competence. He might very well NOT be declared incompetent since it's not him but the drug load.

But if he is declared incompetent then I must file more papers (and another $65 fee and another court appearance) and they decide if *I* am 'suitable' as the guardian of his estate. One of the conditions of suitability (is that a word?) is that I am able to be bonded for the entire amount of his estate.

Well I can tell you right now that my Dad is worth more than I am. They look at things like my criminal record (none) and credit history (not so perfect). If I am deemed unsuitable for bonding, then a lawyer (there's that word again) will be appointed guardian of my father's estate. There is nothing I can do at that point (Dad's been declared incompetent, remember?)

So I'm in a quandary. I found bills in Dad's house that were due then when I went there on Friday after the accident. It's already been over a week. I need to at least contact these creditors and let them know what's happened. But they won't even speak with me without my having legal rights.

What to do? What to do?