Down doobie do down down...

Warning: I am not a happy camper today. Stay low.


I'm dieting again (&^$*#@!) and it screws with my bloodsugar and that screws with my moods. I got no sleep last night and neither did Evil Genius Husband (if he sleeps badly, I sleep badly). He's probably dragging the floor at work right now and he's got a meeting tonight. I'm still sick, the Incredible Bulk is teething, and I just got through writing out cheques for some bills (including my $300+ gas bill, thank you, CNNGA.) Sucktacular.

Dad's away again. I know he's got cabin fever. I swear I think he's as unhappy here as he was at the facility - only in a different way. The children are underfoot all day, there's nothing for him to do (no telly, no paper), his cell gets bad reception, and I know he just misses being home. It must blow being in a strange place and simultaneously bored to death.

I've been trying to at least feed him but he's extraordinarily picky and will only eat about five things cooked at home and they must be prepared exactly like he's used to and piping hot. It makes me feel really inadequate that there's so little that I can fix for him. He's living on fast food in a household that almost never eats fast food - I cook three meals a day.

He's planning on returning to his house mid-February and I have all confidence in his being able to teach summer school. That will make him feel much better - to get back to work. And, of course, being back home will be bittersweet, but much better at the finish.

I just wish I could do more for him right now.

----

In the meantime there are some changes on the horizon for me.

I have to go to traffic court in Chester SC for the lone speeding ticket that I got during all of that road-time. It's made up for it by being for an obscene amount of money (hint: more than my Verizon bill). It's actually two tickets: one for speeding (I wasn't doing it purposely. I was lost and trying to find a shortcut to Newberry and had unwittingly passed from a 55 into a 35) and one for an expired tag (thanks a bunch to EGH). But it will be the final stamp on the whole driving ordeal for me. Close the book, as it were. Over. Done with. *insert rude gesture here*

I also go to another Ortho appointment since the PT just didn't do a scrap of good. I plan on putting my (good) foot down and telling them I'm ready to throw in the towel. The only thing left for me is knee replacement and I am not doing it. Can you imagine the recovery time? There is no way I can recuperate from that and take care of my family.

I want them to declare me whatever percentage disabled, and cut me loose. I am so ready to be shed of this Workers Comp stuff. I am so ready to just be free. I am sick of having to deal with this and be in pain as well.

I have accepted the pain, I have embraced the pain: let's light this candle.

And lastly, I need to decide if I'm going to try to get pregnant again. The whole issue makes me incredibly sad. I wanted to be pregnant months ago. If I were to go off the pill tomorrow and get pregnant this month (February - SO not gonna happen), my last two would be 17 months apart. Way, way more space than I wanted. And I will be 43 freakin' years old!

What am I thinking?!

I'm thinking that I'd like something small to go right, something good to happen.

Hmm, maybe I'll step on the scale tomorrow and be 5 lbs lighter ...