Friday, May 26, 2006

Expectations

Well, I haven't lost any weight on the Shangri-la diet! What a crock!

*snicker*

Have you ever met that person? The one who shoves potato chips in her gob then complains she's not losing weight? The one who has a big slice O' cheesecake at supper because she "deserves it for sticking to her diet" (WTF?). I once had a co-worker who had rather sit on her arse and watch her little portable telly she'd brought from home than take a quick walk after lunch with the rest of us. She'd then grow so sullen over our weight loss that she'd refuse to speak to us.

*sigh* There is no magic pill. You have to put forth a little effort in everything.

As a side note to the diet, I found a forum (or rather they found me *waves* Hey guys!) and I've been perusing it this morning. It seems helpful, informative and civil (something I'm unused to on a bulletin board - can you say "fertility friend"?!), so go check 'em out if you want to learn more about Seth's Thingy.

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Speaking of weight loss makes me think - inevitably - of body image, which makes me angry (more than you know) as a person who's been hounded to conform to an 'ideal' all her adult life.

All that did was make me belligerent, make me unhappy, and make me eat even more.

We women spend a lot of time being asked to, or trying to ourselves, conform to someone else's expectations, don't we? Or their expectations, societies expectations, become our own and we almost go mad trying to 'live up to them' or crash into depression when things don't go As Expected.

Think about it. We, as women, have all these (really stupid!) expectations. The perfect prom, graduation, college, fiance, The Perfect Wedding, pregnant instantly, baby shower (or 3 or 4!), Perfect Nursery,the Magical Perfect Birth Experience, bonding with baby instantly, seamless segue into breastfeeding, Perfect Baby who sleeps through the night ...

Could it be that the reason so many women are blindsided by motherhood is because we have been trained to expect these perfect events in our lives? When things don't match up to these idiotic ideals we are ill prepared to handle it?

Women (not just women, of course, but using them as an example), should NOT be led to believe that everything will be this story book perfect ... or that everything SHOULD be.

Girls are brought up thinking that if they don't go to the prom they're social failures (who gives a flying rip about some high school dance?), if they don't have a huge, lavish, wasteful, self-centered wedding then they're not worthy as a female (what a colossal waste of time and money! A day where I dress up as a fairy tale princess and inconvenience all my friends, act as spoiled and self indulgent as I can, get scads of gifts I'll just return, and basically shove myself and how special I am in everyone's face? GAH!) (incidentally, if all this hoopla and waste had anything to do with making the marriage stronger, I'd be all for it, but 38% of these circuses still culminate in divorce) (not that I have a problem with weddings, you understand)

Eh ... where was I?

Oh, then we're assured that we should just get pregnant right away (that's what 'normal' people do! How may girls have I seen on TTC boards breaking down in heartrending posts because they aren't pregnant "and we've been trying for 6 months!), that we should have that perfect full-term baby and breastfeed with ease, that the baby will be this ideal angel who sleeps and eats and never, ever poos in her lavishly co-ordinated and decorated nursery that cost more than the family car ...

Is it now wonder we women freak out about stuff? That we panic over our weight? Beat ourselves up over babies who won't latch?

It's as if our consumer society (you know I was headed there, dincha?) has told us that if we throw loads and loads of money (and daddy's money and hubby's money) at something (a prom, a wedding, a nursery) that that will fix everything, make everything be PERFECT ...

When that's not true. It's not even close. Success doesn't require money, or status, or looks ... it needs effort, work, and LUCK. And the ability to handle anything life throws at you. We shouldn't put so much pressure on ourselves to conform and rob ourselves of the ability to cope. Nothing is perfect.

But it can be wonderful

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posted by MrsEvilGenius @ 7:11 am   4 comments

4 Comments:

At 9:23 am, Anonymous sherry said...

So perfectly said, Blue.

I somehow got through life not concerning myself too much with my status in the world. My wedding was simple and fabulous. I own a small, modest, cute home that happens to be near the water. I did have a bit of an issue with the whole TTC thing and all the suffering, but that's to be expected, I think, to a certain degree.

One of the things I hope to teach my daughter is that some women are skinny and some are not. Some women get married and some don't. Some people have children and others choose not to or can't. Basically, I want her to know that whatever she chooses to do, or how to live her life, short of ending up a convict, she can do amazing things, no matter what.

Great post.

 
At 12:45 pm, Blogger amyesq said...

Again, I think it goes back to what you were saying in an earlier post about women taking control of their lives. If everything is handed to them, they don't understand why things don't work out the way they are "supposed to". Thank God I was raised to know that I am in control of me and no one else is. If I want to lose weight, I eat less and exercise more. Guess what? It works for me! No amount of wishing on a star or paying for expensive diets (although I do like WW b/c they teach ME to be in control) are going to do it for me. And this logic applies to getting a job, choosing a mate, etc. And while it is scary to think I have to make those decisions and work toward them, it is also a relief to know that nobody else is in charge but me.

 
At 3:10 pm, Blogger macboudica said...

You are right on, Blue.

Fortunately, I learned young that I pay for my mistakes and I make my dreams come true. You have to take the bull by the horns, so to speak, to get what you deserve.

I hope that by setting that example for my children and talking to them about why things are they way they are (hah! like they teens even listen, might as well talk to a tree) they hopefully won't hve to go through some of the hard times I have been through, but if they do have to go through them (we all have some, into every life a little rain must fall -- I am just full of cliches today, 'eh?) that they are emotionally prepared and strong enough to handle them.

 
At 7:15 am, Blogger DixieAmazon said...

Re: The Shangri-la diet
Also the ones that try it for one week and quit because they didn't lose 5 pounds. I am not a fast loser. Yes I wish the weight would just drop off but I am happy with the downward trend.

 

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