Plain and simple
I often read stuff in the paper that's not news - like Dear Abby, John Rosemond, Carolyn Hax - and I always promise myself that I'll not blog about it. I try to keep from blogging on the subjects I read there because there's usually at least one thing in there every Sunday that makes me crazy. If I were to blog about it all I'd be flying off the handle each week, lol.
But I read one yesterday that ties in with another peeve of mine from my baby boards, so here goes. It was in Dear Abby. A daughter complained that her 50 year old mom and dad had gotten the Harley bug and that her mum had changed her appearence. She (the mom) now dresses like a biker chick (blond hair, crop top with Harley Davidson on it, leather, etc). The daughter tells Abby how embarrassed she is and asks Abby how to ask her mom to dress like 'more appropriately'.
Uhm ... excuse me?
This woman has lived to 50+, she and her hubby are in good enough health and can afford to ride a Harley, they're having fun, they're not hurting anyone, and this little snot is whining?? Oh it's clearly all about HER. SHE'S embarrassed at mom's unseemly appearence. The poor daughter is clearly SUFFERING here.
She can get stuffed as far as I'm concerned.
Her mum's a grown woman (and one who wiped her daughter's behind, cooked her meals, bought her clothes, taught her to read and eat with a spoon ...) Unless mom is going out naked or joining a suicide cult, her daughter has NO right whatsoever to bitch.
Now here's my problem (and the part that ties in to my other peeve): Mom has every right to do what she wishes and dress how she wishes. If her appearence embarresses you when the two of you are together ('cause it's all about you) then say to her: "Mum, when you wear your black studded leather HD tank to weddings it makes me feel uncomfortable. Would you mind dressing more conservatively when we're together at formal functions?"
How hard is that? It's a legitimate request. You're both adults with the power of speech.
I have a similar issues with these folks on my baby boards who complain about their mothers-in-law. Oh, I can understand and empathize with the complaints. I think that becoming a mother-in-law brings out the worst qualities in some women. The problem I have is with this standard attitude (often offered as advice by other readers): "Your hubby should talk to her / get your husband to tell her how you feel / her son should talk to her."
No, no, no. You and this person are grown women. If you have a difficulty with her then pull on your big girl knickers and deal with it like an adult. Talk to her. True, your husband is her son and he should back you up in everything, but if you and she are the one's with the problem then you and she should hash it out.
What makes some women so timid that they can't have a civil discussion if there's a problem. Are we raised this way? I dispise this awful quality in some women: let stuff slide then bitch, backbite, and complain behind the person's back. Can you tell I've had some gems of female co-workers with these qualities? It sucks.
My inlaws manifest this slightly differently: they're masters of passive agressiveness. They can drop hints and throw out little off-hand comments that slice like razorblades but they'd never say anything to your face. Ohhhhh, no.
I'm sure many people think I'm a bitch, most agree that I'm outspoken, but no one can deny that you know exactly where I stand. I won't lie to you and you never have to wonder what I think about you or anything else. If that makes me a bitch then so be it. Now, let me ask you, do these leather chaps make my arse look fat?
3 Comments:
We have a rule in our house that he talks to his parents about Big Issues and I talk to mine. It's not because I'm incapable of talking to people, (just ask anyone how blunt I can be), but because his parents love him and will love him forever. If he talks to them he's given more leeway.
There's more bend in the relationship that he has with his folks than in the relationship I have with them. There's no history. They love me and I love them, but that's more luck than anything else, and even while I love them I occasionally want to kill them.
Having the kid of the parent talk to the parent gets rid of the "My poor baby is married to a BITCH/DICKHEAD" problem. It's easy, when the spouse talks to the in-law, for the in-law to blame the spouse and not see it as a "we" issue.
As in: "Mom, WE have a problem when you do x. Could you knock it off?"
It does help that in our family there aren't ever huge, ugly issues. At least, not yet. Primarily they all seem to be of the Three's-Company-Comic-Misunderstanding type.
Still, while I'm perfectly capable of telling his dad to stop leaving the toilet unflushed, we're all ever-so-much-more comfortable if my husband does it.
Just as I'm more comfortable asking my mom to knock off the bossiness.
On the other hand, the column you talked about was absolutely rediculous. I agree with you. What a 50 year old woman wears or doesn't wear ain't nobody's buisness but her own. The problem isn't that the wife's husband needs to talk to the mom, but that the wife is a controlling idiot.
I read that column, too! Thought it was kind of funny and was like "What? You want your mom should stay home knitting?" (I was in New York at the time, so I had to think in a NY accent).
I haven't ever had to talk to my in-laws about the big issues. Mostly b/c, while they are freaks, they live in England and so I don't have to deal with them much. But, like you, I would simply tactfully say what was on my mind if I had to. No problem there. And, in fact, so would Tim if need be. I have had him step in on the rare occasions I couldn't deal with my family. My family knows that if Tim is dealing with them on an issue, we mean BUSINESS.
Not at all, I get distracted by the whip.
Post a Comment
<< Home