'roadblocks' defined
*bangs head against floor*
OK. I consulted with the paralegals at the hospital (v. helpful and enthusiastic ladies by the way) after ringing the woman who hears the petitions for guardianship, Ms H. (aside: does this mean she's a judge? I do know two things about her: she has NO people skills and, oddly, everyone up there seems to hold her in high regard.)
Well, Ms H, told me tersely that there was no way that I could be named guardian of the estate because their people would refuse to bond me because I live in a different state. This strikes me as really strange (and I said so), and she said that this was 'policy'. She said that guardianship would be awarded to a lawyer. AND that we have to pay him (it comes out of the estate) for doing it. AND that none of us, the family and friends of Dad, would have any say in what this guy did.
I'm not worried that he'll do anything weird, but, for example, I mentioned in an earlier blog posting that I feel like the things that Dad might not be using for many months to come - cell phones, cable, netflix, direct TV, etc - should be temporarily suspended so that Dad isn't paying for them. Well, if this guy disagrees then too bad. Dad pays for premium cable that no one is watching PLUS the guy who decided not to turn it off.
This blows large.
My other option, and the one I'm hoping for (actually, the one I'm hoping for is that Dad recovers quickly and can make these decisions on his own, but, barring that ...) is that Dad can sign the Durable Power of Attorney papers sometime soon. But after the disheartening events of yesterday and seeing him so disoriented I'm just not sure when that will be.
I'm going to speak with the lawyer who handles the guardianships in Forsyth county (the one guy does all of them), scope him out, voice my reservations, and get more information.
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On another frustrating note, I got what I thought was a good idea, regarding getting the Explorer, while driving home yesterday. I thought to myself: "Self, what about U-haul? They rent tow dollies, I know the Explorer has a hitch on it, and Evil Genius Husband's little Camry would be v. easy to tow". I could run down to Albemarle in the Ford, pick up the dolly, run back to the house and load the Camry on. Voila! I just drive home with both cars. Problem solved.
Except that (wait for it ...) U-haul doesn't allow any of their equipment to be towed by Ford Explorers! Even ones with 8 cylinder engines and 3500lb hitches! It's policy!
For pity's sake! I'm gonna start to get paranoid here if something doesn't go right quickly. If it wasn't for my support team of Dad's friends, I would have thrown in the towel by now. Jeez!
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Speaking of support, I wanted to thank each and every one of you who has been commenting here and emailing me. I know sometimes it seems like I'm ignoring you but I swear I pore over evey word, I consider every scrap of advice. I need all the help I can get and you've all been a tremendous help.
3 Comments:
you're doing fine.
get that dpoa as soon as you can. go early in the day if you can, most critical patients are most alert in the morning ...its sundowners syndrome.
get that signed
it's your best bet.
any chance of moving him to a hospital nearer you? if so, do that as soon as you have the dpoa.
It will make all of your lives easier.
It's not permanent. It's until he's well and then he goes where he wants and does what he wants.
You're doing fine.
A non-guardian comment (you seem to be kicking butt in all the right places there.)
I am sorry that you have to watch your dad in pain, confusion, etc. I'm not one for praying, but I can offer the following to you and hope it helps a bit.
I survived a car accident years ago. Massive trauma, 18 orthopedic & plastic surgeries so far, mostly in the first 3 years. These are the things I have learned.
1. The mind is kind. The worse the pain is, the less you remember. It is entirely likely that your dad will never remember the accident or events right before/after it. He will likely have snapshot memories of very short durations that will survive the fog of pain and sedation. While he will remember much of what happens once he is coherent again, he won't have much recollection of the pain. (I remember my father counting down the minutes with me before I could get my next morphine shot, but not the pain that necessitated that level of support.) This is worse in some ways for you, who have to see him suffer but don't get your own morphine. I found it very healing, after about 6 months, to read the police report of the accident and my hospital records to fill in the blanks. I cried, but was comforted to know what had happened. The fear of it all washing back in one big memory was v. scary. It has been 17 years and I don't have any memories that I didn't regain in the 6 mos after the event.
2. As you have discovered, people WILL ask the most assholish questions. Miss Manners advises her Gentle Readers, when faced with a question that is clearly out of line, to answer the question you wish they had asked. For example: "Do you know who was driving?" answer: "It *has* been lovely to have the support of our family and friends." Or, "Will he ever (verb) again?" answer: "We are hoping for a full recovery, too." Of course, the stony stare held-for-a-second-too-long works wonders for less close friends.
3. I spent an extra 10 days in the hospital after the accident because both my orthopedist and plastics doc were prescribing a full load of antibiotics. This killed all the bacteria in my system, even the good, and I got so weak I almost died. I cannot recommend strongly enough that you charge one doctor (vs. a group of surgeons) oversight of all components of his medical treatment.
4. When it comes time to thank the nurses for the unbelievable amount of generosity, empathy and support (except for the bitchy one on every hospital floor), a couple pizza coupons per shift are better than flowers or chocolate.
Warm thoughts,
Nora
Hi
I am a student of Dr Hills at UNCC and just found your site. My father in law is a lawyer up in Thomasville NC and I have put in a call to him about the guardian problem. I know he has done a few cases (usually juvenile) in the past. Maybe he has an idea of how to help and or who to call to get this straightend out in short order.
I can tell you that all the engineering students are pulling for Dr Hill. We selfishly want him back in the classroom, or hiding behind of one of the huge stacks of paper in his office.
please feel free to respond to me at davwhite@uncc.edu
or daveshirin@energyunited.net
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