Paranoia, they destroy ya

Hmm.

Absolutely nothing happening over here. Sorry. But I felt tlike I needed to blog something.

Poor Evil Genius Husband had to go back to work today. I had gotten really really spoiled by having a half naked sex machine lounging about my house all day (particularly during the babies' nap time, *ahem*). Someone to bring me a bottle of water, someone with whom I could watch films (I hate watching alone), someone to listen to my endless whinging about 1) morning sickness and fatigue, and 2) lack of morning sickness and fatigue and ohmygodIhopenothing'swrongwiththebaby!

Yes, you'd think after FOUR, I'd be totally laid back about all this, but no. I'm consumed - as I have been with every pregnancy - with unreasoning fears. I'm terrified that something's happened to Fiver. My morning sickness comes and goes (which is totally normal) but it scares me. I lie awake at night dreading the nuchal scan (and later the amnio), not the proceedures themselves (even the amnio is a cakewalk), but the results. What if there's something wrong?

I actually drop into a fuge state at the computer, staring into the pixels, letting horror-movie-quality mental images flicker through my brain.

I've been unable to read for pleasure and unable to write (witness the derth of blog posts). I'm not sleeping but I'm tired all the time. I ask EGH over and over if I did this with the other babies and he eyeballs me for a moment and nods his head. Yep. Each one.

I am the mistress of paranoia, apparently.

*sigh*