Friday, August 11, 2006

In which many parenthetical clauses appear

What a crap day.

Another one of those non-specific crap days. Nothing terribly untoward happened. My dog didn't die. My car didn't break down. I just felt ill and tired, read the last of my books. The babes were particularly irritable today. I don't know what that was - like everyone, I guess, they have their peaceful days and their wound up days.

I know it doesn't help that I'm sick and dragging, that it's 97 bloody degrees outside, that I'm feeling particularly restless for some reason.

The bubs are normally quite good, actually. I guess today was simply a series of unfortunate events. Bulk kept turning the kitchen computer off, Boy and the Human Crash Test Dummy managed to find my BluKote (a veterinary antiseptic on the order of gentian violet - it is a bright, deep blue that stains everything it touches). Luckily, it was in the concrete floored mud room.

Not so lucky was Bitty Girl wandering about with a pair of scissors when I ducked out to the barnyard for a moment. I was gone, maybe, 20 minutes. When Evil Genius Husband finally noticed Bitty's dangerous toy he failed to notice that she'd also managed to remove a huge chunk of her hair - right in front.

So I returned (can I not leave the bloody house for a second?) to a group of small people and one big people who were bewildered at my wrath and got to sadly cut Bitty's gorgeous dark blond curls off as close as I dared in a (vain) attempt to match everything up.


So, sans segue, let me ask you a question.

I often see fellow bloggers having Blog Crises of one sort or another - idiot commentors, family members discovering the blog, snarky bitches running off in secret and blogging nasty things, and so on - but I've never had one.

Now I do.

I've been feeling lately as if I can't be honest on my own blog. As a person who says what she means and means what she says, this is BIG for me.

But I'm in the first trimester and have what comes along with that state: morning sicknes, exhaustion, pre-baby blues, guilt, anxiety, paranoia, and so on. So mostly what I have to say is of a venting nature despite this being a much-wanted pregnancy.

But I feel hindered in doing so. I feel like my good blog friends (and I hope you know who you are) don't deserve to listen to what is essentially crap every post. I also feel like there are those readers who are judging me. Every time I want to post I hear this slightly snotty, masked-as-concern voice of some past annonymous commentors singing in an I-told-you-so way: "Well, you wanted this baby, you chose to have this baby, and now you're bitching ..."

(If you've read Harry Potter, try to imagine the toad-like Delores Umbridge here)

Well, guess what? Everybody needs a forum to vent. Even wonderous and joyous events come with their share of rant provoking downsides and I hate, hate, hate it that I feel like I can't write those thoughts down.

So what would you do? (See? There was eventually a question!) Get (yet another) blog elsewhere that is totally private? Get a notebook IRL? Get a life and get over it?

PS: yes, I know I'm hormonal and yes, I know that tomorrow will be a much better day. I'm going to the sale as a matter of fact. Perusing the dizzying array of FemMullets is bound to be cheering.

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posted by MrsEvilGenius @ 7:37 pm   11 comments


At 9:53 am, Anonymous Ilandree said...

I don't blog, but I have been reading yours for almost a year and I personally hope that you will continue to speak your mind, whatever that may be. Coincedently I am due with child #4 March 9th, and I have enjoyed being able to read your posts on being pregnant. It is comforting to "hear" someone else that is going through first trimester insanity.

At 11:36 am, Anonymous fellow bb02 said...

Blue, be true to yourself. It has always done you good and your readers. This is YOUR blog, don't worry about what others think you never have before!

I always wonder how you manage to raise 4 children 4 and under and want another.. then to have the barn children as well... well needless to say I have trouble with only 2 kids and 1 dog so you always win praises with me.

Keep it honest!!! Keep it true!!!


At 3:20 pm, Anonymous Michelle said...

I love your Blog! Congrats on your new liitle one. As someone who had morning sickness for the whole pregnancy with both my children! I say vent away!!!!

At 7:03 pm, Blogger macboudica said...

I struggle with the whole how much to post on my blog thing and everyone's feelings getting hurt crap myself on my blog. I say f-them. Be true. It's your blog. And your honesty is why we all love you!

At 9:05 pm, Blogger Mrs.Chili said...

Girlfriend, blog what you want. I speak from experience - someone who's been Dooced out of a job (not ENTIRELY because of the blog, but it was listed as a deciding factor). This is YOUR site. It is a place for you to think and ruminate and discover and, yes, vent (have you been to my site lately? It's like a midsummer bitch-fest over there!). If you don't have an outlet for this crap, you'll explode. No one wants that.

I, for one, come here to find out what's REALLy going on with you. I don't want fluff, or sugar coating. Spill it, Woman, and do it honestly. If readers don't like what they're reading, fuck 'em; they can choose to stop reading.

At 9:09 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Blue

please stay as you are - that is why we keep coming to see what you are up to and how your babies are doing. I am your Feb Baby Center 'buddy' and have always read your down to earth posts on the board and here on your blog.

Hope all goes well with your pregnancy. I've had two healty baby boys. With both, I was sick the whole 9 months. Both babies were very much wanted but I also wanted for my pregnancies to end as soon as possible!

So hope you wake up to a better day tomorrow!

All the best

ps. Your older daughter's name in my language (Slavic origin) means dawn and is a very feminine name.

At 9:59 am, Anonymous Kate W. said...

Blue- I am chocking this post up to hormones- you worried to speak your mind? That is what I love most about you! (and living vicariously through you and your barn full of animals) Stay! All of your internet friends have your back from any trolls.

At 2:28 pm, Anonymous queenmommy911 said...

What everybody else said! You wouldn't be you if you didn't call 'em as you see 'em.

Speaking as a mommy nearly 20 weeks preg. with #6, I *so* know where you're coming from on the sick, tired, hormonal front and don't blame you one bit. It's a means to an end - feel crappy for 9 months to enjoy years of laughs, hugs, proud moments? I think it's a worthwhile trade.

Enjoy the Whiskey Tango gathering and come back and tell us about the fun! ;-)

At 5:17 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

your blogs are what get me through my days. I love your thriftiness, honesty, parenting ideas, etc. and especially the fact that you have 4 1/2 children. I struggled on deciding to have 2, and to see someone do what you do is so motivating.
I certainly hope you continue to share it all!!

At 5:57 pm, Blogger Johannah said...

It is exactly your honesty and openness that makes me read your blog (and totally crack me up). Don't change anything. This is your space, and if they don't like it, they don't have to read!

At 3:31 pm, Blogger Michele said...

Please feel free to bitch at will. Wont drive me away.


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