Blue got the blues ... erm ... purples?

I was just going to tweet this, but some things just deserve a blog post of their own:

Farming is frequently hard, can be frustrating, even heartbreaking, but every now and then you have a James Herriot moment that you get to smile over (in retrospect) for years.  Today held one of those moments.

I'm out in barnyard doing the chores, right? So I spy with my little eye a hanging shelf that has come loose on one side. Well, being The Fixer that I am (and knowing damn good and well that husband Bodog would walk past it from now until the Zombie Apocalypse without even noticing it, much less fixing it) I proceed to enact a quick repair.

Then the Gods of Happenstance farted in my general direction. And laughed like mad bastards about it.

What happened (as reconstructed later from crime scene photos*) was that, as I was lifting the sagging shelf, an aerosol can tumbled off and apparently struck something sharp, because it was punctured.  Within seconds I was liberally sprayed from my toes to my hair with a product called Dr. Naylor Blu-Kote.

(Mark that name. Blu-Kote. Blue.Coat.)

Blu-Kote is a barnyard staple and much beloved by me (and many others) for over 30 years. I'm never without a can. It is "a fast-drying antiseptic and fungicidal" for wound care. It's principle ingredient is gentian violet. If any of you moms out there have ever used gentian violet to treat thrush on your nipples (it's miraculous how well it works for this) then you know the defining characteristic of the stuff.

Yep, boys and girls, every exposed surface of my skin in the line of spray was immediately and generously endowed with a dark bluish-purple sheen.

This included both feet, my left arm and hand, my right hand and wrist and the left side of my FACE.

Needless to say, I high-tailed it to the house to try to get the damned stuff OFF since I couldn't go pick up my kids looking like some cosplay reject Nightcrawler**.

After ten minutes with a wet rag and a tub of Goop I had managed to get all of it off my face and was snorting and giggling over the whole thing.  I mean, how many middle aged moms get to boast of being hosed down by deep purple antiseptics as part of their regular day?

I didn't think to take a pic right after it happened (was too busy scrubbing!) Here's my left hand AFTER I cleaned my face and arms, so it was originally about twice as dark:

And here's the scene of the crime, victim in situ. Look at that splatter pattern! Those white rectangles are self feeders for dogs (in case you were curious).

And the primary victim. The cause of death was definitely not lupus.

In case you are wondering how my feet got sprayed, remember that I'm totally against shoes - I think they are unnatural.  I go barefoot unless I absolutely must be shod and then I go with minimalist footwear: thongs, Invisible Shoes, five-fingers, etc. The barnyard is one of those places where I wear shoes. There's just too much risk of nails and wire and other pointy pointy things, not to mention that things like chicken poo are really unpleasant to step in.

So I wear plain old el cheapo flip-flops in the barnyard and ended up with dark purple feet with a white chevron where the thongs crossed the top of my foot!

End Note: I also try never to use chemicals on my skin (haha after today!) so the thought of having to put all that Goop on my skin was revolting. When I went to clean my arms and feet I tried rubbing olive oil into the stain and washing with plain old (just lye and lard - no colour, no scent) soap.  It worked just as well as the Goop!  I wish I had thought of it before I did my face!

*Yes, we've been Netflixing "Dexter", how did you guess?
**Why didn't I say Mystique?  Cuz I never liked Mystique. I adore Nightcrawler. Well the Chris Claremont era Nightcrawler anyway.

Just a couple of links today:

An excellent review of Gary Taubes's Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It
by John Durant is here.

I haven't read this yet (or Tim Ferris's The 4-Hour Body) as I am awaiting my February cheque so I can buy both on the Kindle.  I'm already a Good Calories Bad Calories fan (Taubes's longer, more science-packed version) so I'm sure I will enjoy the book, but I also trust Durant's opinion.

I generally like most of the people in the Paleo community - although there are a few who lack any sort of social skills and can be pretty arrogant and rude (thinking of a few "my version of Paleo is the best" people on PaleoHacks and the AP mom who thinks she invented mothering *snort*).

But I really like John Durant. He's cheerful, smart, and doesn't get in anyone's face; I consider him an excellent spokesperson for Paleo.  It helps that he's gorgeous as well. Very easy on the eyes is John.*

Anyway, I can't wait to read Taubes's new book! I think it will be instrumental in getting some folks who have been blinded by mainstream crapola diet advice. You can get the book here , BTW.

Also, I wanted to post this link from over on gnolls.org and what I consider to be the best intro to Paleo that I've seen. As soon as I have two seconds to rub together, I'm going to make it a permanent link on this blog and on my Paleo pages.


*There are a good number of blokes in the Paleo communnity whom I consider very good looking (as well as some intimidatingly hawt chicks).  As a person who is interested in human genetics and evolution I think that my reaction is purely natural. We evolved to spot healthy potential mates and to consider them attractive. These Paleo guys are as healthy as a person can get - or are working on it.

Insomniac ramble

Ugh. 2 a.m.

The dog barking woke me up an hour ago and I can't fall back asleep.

Stupid insomnia.

So I guess I'll blog. Haven't done that in months and months.

Why's that, Blue, you ask?  Good question. Mostly it's my not finding the time to actually sit down and do it. Twitter and Facebook are largely to blame as well. Why write a lengthy blog post with photographs when I can just quickly Tweet it and or throw pics up on my Wall?

Meh.

Oh, and I have also been on a months-long rampage against my junky house.  I actually have a few rooms clean. Clean like 'humans outside this family can come in them' clean. Really!  I'm actually pretty proud of myself.*

So what have I been up to for, oh, four months now?  Well it's been hectic.

First there was NaNoWriMo, which consumes my Novembers (I've attempted and completed 50,000 words  for two years running!).  Then, in the second week of November, I was gobsmacked when *I* got ill.  I've not been sick since I went Paleo almost four years ago.

Well it was a doozie, too. Turns out it was the flu and it morphed into Bronchitis.  I have asthma (again, symptom-free since going Paleo) and so it was pretty miserable. I almost didn't finish NaNO because there were two days in there where I couldn't even get off the couch.  Yuck.

(As an aside here, I gotta tell you; to think that I used to get that sick three and four times a year?  Plus various colds and sniffles in between? Unbelievable!  I will NEVER eat grains (and soy and starches and processed chemical crap) again for the rest of my life to be as sickness free as I am now!  I'd be Paleo for that reason alone!  People who just can't give up their 'comfort foods' and 'can't live without' their sweets, bread, and pasta and who suffer from illnesses ranging from constant colds to autoimmune diseases might want to take a really really close look.

I plan on living a long and healthy, active, life to the very end.  They plan on not 'depriving themselves' of that cupcake right now.)

Anyway, back to the blog post. *puts away soapbox*

So then we sailed into the winter holidays (since Bodog is a teacher, he's off for two weeks, too) and the craptacularness ensued.

First Bodog's wallet was stolen, then all the kids got sick with some pukey virus.  I spent three nights half awake on the couch with vomiting children on pallets on the floor next to me. At the end of it, every sheet, pillowcase, and towel in the house was either dirty or hanging on the line, wet.

Then, in case we weren't paying attention, our furnace stopped working.

Again, I spent several nights on the couch with the wood stove going in the dining room/kitchen (at one end of the house) and a space heater going in the parlour (at the other end, where the bedrooms are). I slept very badly to say the least. I kept having to get up and feed the fire and paranoidly check the space heater.

Two of our cars broke down in this time, too. At one point two cars were not functional and the truck was sitting in the yard on a flat tyre.

THEN (Yes there's more. Toldja it was a suckeriffic holiday.), right before the 'vacay' ended, Fiver fell/jumped off his brother's top bunk and broke his arm.  Here he is that night. He and I spent five hours in the ER.

So, yeah.

Y'know, it just occurred to me that one good thing about having insomnia (*squints at clock* it's now just past 3a.m.) is that all that staying up I had to do, with the sick bubs, the freezing house, and the broken baby, was a cinch.

Of course good stuffs has happened since I last blogged as well.

I ate like a pig over Thanksgiving and Xmas and I lost 7lbs.  All those folks who shook their heads when I smilingly turned down the stuffing, mac and cheese, rolls, and sticky-sweet desserts are working out madly on their exercise machines right now and weeping over the scales.  Neener, neener. ;)

We got a new car (new to us) thanks to my Dad. (Thanks, Dad!)

We got a loan to replace our furnace thanks to Bodog's Dad. (Thank's Bodog's Dad!) [Although not without the passive-aggressive dance that accompanies such things in Bodog's family.]

The children had a ball over the Christian Consumer Holiday, loved their gifts, and we all had a relaxed and happy time with our two fave aunties and our cousins.

So, all in all, not so bad (now that it's all over *whew*)

We have two working cars and a truck, a new furnace, no one is sick, and it's just snowed this week (we never get snow in SC. When we do it's just, like, two inches. This time it snowed.)  Here's the new furnace with a mantle of snow. They installed it just two days before the storm!

Well, it's 3:30 now. Guess I'll wrap it up.  Hmm, they've called school today, I think we should go to the zoo after it warms up enough to go out. :)

*If you are one of those people who keeps her house relatively clean all the time then I know you don:t understand. But srsly. This is a big deal for me.

Trying a new tack

So, I've been experimenting with Intermittent Fasting (or IF).

If you follow this blog you know that I've been racking my brains trying to figure out how to budge these last 20-25lbs. It's frustrating to have lost 155lbs and not be able to get rid of the last 25 and I'm hoping IF will give me an assist.

IF is used pretty often by Paleo folks as we realise that our ancestors certainly had to have eaten that way - if unintentionally.  Think about it. There's no way Grok got three squares a day and he sure as hell didn't roll out of his nest at 9 in the morning and chow down on a sugar-and-carb nightmare like 98% of Americans do!

No, Paleolithic man rose with the sun and didn't eat until he or she found something to eat.  They got up and got on the move - a fasting workout - and ate when they located forage or made a kill.

We evolved over millions of years to do this and occasional fasting won't hurt you a bit despite the horrified reports from the mainstream. There are a whole host of myths about eating frequency, as a matter of fact. The whole "you need a good breakfast to kick start your metabolism" for example, is pure bunk. It's a tired, regurgitated lie perpetuated by "dietitions" and online fitness and diet articles that has no basis in fact.

The "it's better to eat 5-6 times a day" thing is absurd as well along with the "I get shaky and lightheaded if I don't eat" excuse. Well, if you stuff your maw with carbs and sugars then you are going to be starving in two hours. Duh. You spend all day yo-yo-ing your insulin and blood sugar, no wonder you get flakey if lunch is late.

If you eat whole food, real food, and wholesome, satiating things like meat, eggs, nuts, cheese, real butter, and vegetables, you don't NEED to eat so often!

So, back to intermittent fasting. There are different versions. Some folks like to do 24 hour fasts a couple of times a week. Others fast every other day (Alternate Day Fasting, ADF). I tried both of these and failed miserably. See, I cook three hearty, healthy, meals from scratch for six other people (my husband and my five kids) every day. I was able to make it through breakfast and dinner, but by supper time, when I really was hungry, frying those hamburger steaks or pork chops or pulling that chicken out of the crock pot KILLED me.

So I've been experimenting with doing daily fasts of 16+ hours.  I go to bed at 8pm so I figured that if I could make it till noon, that'd be 16 hours.  Today is my fourth day of IF-ing and I've made it to 18 hours one day and 20 another.  It's remarkably easy and I feel great.  It's really nice to not worry about set meals and not have to weigh, measure, plot, or plan.  I just break my fast with whatever I feel like eating and I LOVE the fact that I can eat the foods I adore; huge steaks, shrimp by the pound, veggies swimming in butter, without having to count calories or worry about portions.  I've noticed that my appetite has become naturally greatly reduced. The first day I tried IF, I made a huge steak and a load of cauliflower and ate every bite, by day three I made a huge pile of food, but only ate half. I just was full after that amount!

Do I miss breakfast?  Not in the least. I don't even make coffee anymore (I like my coffee loaded with heavy cream, so I reserve it for a late treat).  I grab a glass of water and sit down to work every morning and my mind is clear and sharp.  Don't I get hungry?  I get peckish about noon or so and I treat myself to a diet soda or some sugar-free tea if it really bothers me.  So I guess the meal I "miss" is lunch, but it really doesn't bug me. Especially if I'm out and on the go, I don't even think about it being "lunch time".  And if I'm really starving, then I have the option to eat at twelve and just do a 16 hour fast that day.

Am I losing weight?  Well it's only been four days and they weren't consecutive (had a 24hour day try-and-fail in there). ;)

Do I think I can live like this all the time?  Sure. It's insanely easy (and I'm a huge fan of easy!), really, really convenient (no lunch to pack, no grabbing breakfast on the go), and quite frugal!

So what about you? Have you ever tried IF?  ADF?  What worked for you?


UPDATE: I'm on day 5 of #ifast and my weight is definitely trending downward!  Squee!

Great minds think alike

So, I've been busy designing Paleo t-shirts, Primal t-shirts, ancestral diet / nutrition t-shirts, even Low Carb t-shirts. You get the idea. I've been making stuff that *I* like and hoping my Paleo, Primal people will enjoy them as well:

Our new Paleo auto badge. I'm ordering two for myself to put on my cars. Also available on t-shirts, drinkware, bags, and more! There's one for Primal, too!

Locavores, buy their food locally. No not down at the local supermarket, but from their own neighborhood farmers.  It's good for your community and good for you, local small farms, sustainable agriculture, help the whole planet. This earthy green and brown graphic design is perfect for any green, environmentally aware, locavore.

Here's one for my barefoot runner Tweeps. I don't run, myself (exercise makes me spill my drink ;) but I am a HUGE fan of minimalist footwear. Whether it's Vibram Five Fingers, Huaraches, plain ol' thin thong sandals or good old bare feet, bare is BEST!

These are just a few of the recent designs I've done.  One of the last ones I did was this one:

Grokette with nommy dandelions to honor our heritage as gatherers. I wanted a softer, more feminine design for us Girl Groks.  Well imagine my delight when a wonderful Twitter Tweep, @modernmatriarch debuted a gorgeous, handmade, glittery pink design of her own at the same time!  Great minds think alike!

How cool is that?  Shiny!  And the best part?  You can win this t-shirt for free. It's a smallish large and doesn't quite fit it's creator so she's giving it away!  Just stop by her blog an comment on your Paleo/Primal lifestyle and how it's changed you.

Hers is so nice. I think she totally should sell these on Etsy.

When yellowjackets attack!

So, yeah ... yesterday morning I decided to start loading the truck with the scrap metal so I could take it to the recycler (scrap isn't bringing much right now but 1) I can't bear the thought of it going into our landfills; recycling is thrifty AND good for the planet, and 2) even if a truckload only brings me ten bucks, well, $10 is $10!)

It's typically hot and I'm out in my shorts, tee, and flip-flops and I'm tossing scrap into the truck. Some of the pieces have been there a while and are partially buried, so I'm tugging a bit out and, OUCH! I feel a sting on my foot! Then another!

Here in South Carolina that usually means Fire Ants,

so I hopped on one foot and brushed the aggrieved foot (the right) down with my left hand. I immediately got two (three?) sharp stings on my hand.

OK ... fire ants don't fly.

I looked down just long enough to see several yellow and black bodies swirling around and lit out like Seabiquit driving for the finish line.

If I was screaming, "OMFG WASPS WASPS WAAAAAASPS AIEEE!!" I don't recall it. That's certainly what I was saying in my head.

Turns out what I thought at first were hornets were Yellowjackets:

I managed six separate stings (maybe seven - not sure if my hand got 2 or 3 - left hand, right foot and leg, and one on my ribs where one of the wee bastards crawled up under my shirt). They swelled up and hurt like someone was pressing the tips of six soldering irons into my skin.

I'm not allergic to anything that I know of, but I had a mother of a reaction. For hours after the stings my heart raced like the overworked engine in some loser's rice rocket and my hands shook.

Apparently I'm still having some residual issues. Here's what my hand stings look like this morning - almost 24 hours later:

My left hand (stung) compared to my right (old and boney).

Left wrist. It's hard to tell in this pic but it's swole up like a sausage.

Purty!

Well, you ask, what am I doing about the Yellowjackets? They might sting the kids!

We tried to take care of the nest last night. I try not to kill anything that's not bothering me but, I agree that the kids are in jeopardy if I leave the damned things there.

Since going Paleo I try to use as few chemical on my and my kid's bodies as possible, plus I've cut down even more on the chemicals that I use in my house and out of doors. I have given up shampoo, sunscreen, lotion, household cleaners, and much more.

So how do I get rid of wasps without nasty chemicals? Don't EVEN suggest the old gasoline trick. Not only is that dangerous, but it's environmentally stupid. It is idiotic to pour petrol out onto the ground!

Well, I Googled about a bit and discovered a smothering method. We tried it last night: wet sand over the entrance hole then cover the lot with a board. Don't laugh yet ... let's see if it works.

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Have you had any harrowing experiences with hornets yellowjackets or other wasps?  How did you treat the stings?  How did you get rid of the nest?

On serving sizes, dieting, and Paleo

Here's a hilarious video of comedian Brian Regan on serving sizes:

Jokes.com
Brian Regan - Serving Size
comedians.comedycentral.com
Futurama New Episodes Funny Demon Zombie TV Show Funny TV Comedy Blog

LOL!  I'm sooooooo glad I'm Paleo so I don't ever ever have to measure, weigh, or count my food again!

I can remember those horrible days of eating low-fat. What a nightmare.  I starved all the time. I spent the whole freakin' day thinking about food. I read every single label.  I was addicted to those stupid 100 calorie packs of crap (and blogged about how wonderful they were! Cthulhu help me!).

Now I eat when I am hungry, eat fatty meat, eggs, and veggies till I'm full, then ... stop.

Cheerios prove that the American Heart Assn wants us all dead!

So KFC has released their newest creation, the KFC Double Down sandwich.

Since I neither watch television nor eat fast food, I had not heard about this interesting new idea until today.  Fortunately, I got introduced to it via Tom Naughton over at FatHead.  Nothing like truth and humour, I say.

He has gathered together the stupidest of the hysterical knee-jerkers comments on the KFC Double Down and it's quite an entertaining read.

Tom even detailed the nutritional breakdown of the Double Down (-vs- a Quarter pounder) and reported his own blood sugar levels after eating one.  He went on to report BS levels of a reader of Dr Davis's blog after eating a classic 'heart healthy' meal of Cheerios (250 mg/dL!!) for comparison.

The Double Down comprises two pieces of chicken, two pieces of cheese, and two pieces of bacon. Sounds like a low-carb meal made in heaven (the fried version has only 11 carbs!) and a potential Paleo emergency meal (I'd have to dump the sauce and go for the grilled version, natch), to me.

I plan on trying it. As a matter of fact, I'll take Bodog's blood checker and test my own blood sugar that day.

When, oh when will the stupid people start realising that the FDA and the AHA are trying to make them sicker, not make them healthier?! That they are being lied to by people who are pulling these "facts" out of their arses?  When will the daft rabble stop taking what doctors and 'dieticians' and the government officials say at face value and actually do research for themselves?  Can people not just go in a Wal Mart or a Ryan's and look around and see how sick, slow, and obese most Americans are?

Do we have to start dying?

... oh, wait ... we are.

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Funny health / diet / dieting / carnivore / paleo / primal t-shirts shown:

Peace Love Meat - funny play on a popular theme. Great for carnivores, paleo people, low carb folks, or meat lovers in general.

Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever! - Words to live by!  Perfect gift for anyone trying to lose weight or on a diet.

Eat healthy, sleep well, move often - The basic tennants of good health and a template for Paleolithic Primal/ ancestral/ caveman  diet and lifestyle folks everywhere. Designed to look like blue traffic safety signs.